Letting Go (is the hardest thing to do)
by Summerfall
Summary: (UPDATED after formatting issues) Set in 5.15 - A mother-daughter moment as Emma struggles with Killian's decision to move on and Snow tries to comfort her the best way she can, while reflecting on Emma and Killian's past.
Snow finds Emma in the attic of her Underworld house, cleared of dust and cobwebs but littered with unopened boxes. Snow briefly wondered about the contents, whether they contained more toys of a forgotten childhood that never got lived. She carefully picked her way to where Emma sat against the steel frame of a single bed, legs drawn up and face pressed to her knees.

"I'm fine." Was the muffled response when Snow approached but she took no heed as she set herself down next to her daughter.

"No you're not."

"I just want to be alone."

Those words sliced through Snow, a reminder of what Emma had gone through and the natural response that came with it. It's the reason Snow had came directly to the attic to find Emma - not the master bedroom where hearts and minds collide; nor the study where the telescope resides surrounded by star charts and tide tables; or even the guest room where her crib and numerous toys have been shoved into shortly after the confrontation. No, she came directly to the attic because that is where the forgotten memories go, treasured in the moments of nostalgia and pain. Emma may not have been conscious of the symbolism but it wasn't lost on Snow, who knew (though it may have taken her longer than she would have liked) that this would be where Emma retreats to.

"You know you are never going to be alone again." Snow countered gently. "We'll give you space and room but you'll never have to face anything by yourself."

Emma sat up slightly, shoulders still slumped against an unseen burden, gaze fixed on a spot before her. Only in solitude would she allow herself to look so defeated. "He wants to move on. He doesn't want to come home. He wants to move on with Liam." she took a shuddering breath, each word a physical blow upon her heart. "And I should let him. It's his choice, I have no right to take that away from him again. I've done so many things wrong by him that maybe Liam's right - I'm not good enough for him."

Snow's heart shattered at those words, at the brokenness in her daughter's voice. She pulled Emma into her arms. "Oh sweetheart."

She knows no amount of platitudes will erase the hurt and as much as it angers her that the elder Jones would even have such a thought - not to mention she would like nothing more than to set him straight - she understands where Liam is coming from, the protective instinct for his only family. After all, hadn't they done the same for Emma?

But Snow can see it's so much more than that - the look in Emma's eyes when Liam addressed her, the rejection that stung from his implications, a reminder of every foster family who had turned her away or given her up. _Never enough_. The echo of the past forever near despite her defenses.

Emma has never aimed to please everyone, indeed the walls she built up over the years effectively prevented that from happening and the moment she chose to readily try because of family (what else can Killian be?), it was thrown right back in her face, shattering the fragile confidence of trusting. That was what angers Snow the most. She can't claim to understand Emma's past but it was a long-time coming to get her to where she is now and she'll be damned if she lets the Jones brother go before he knows this.

"You are more than you believe, Emma, and more than what others think of you. Liam doesn't know you but Killian does. He loves you and I know he'll make the best decision by you whether you believe it or not."

She and David had seen the broken look in Killian's eyes when he realised the full extent of what they have done to rescue him, the self-loathing imprinted in his features despite his admirable attempt to mask it. It was a look of a man who doesn't believe himself deserving, who hates the knowledge that he is the reason they are in Hades warpath. Snow blames herself in playing an early role in those thoughts - she and David had never made it easy for him even when he proved himself otherwise, had implanted the seeds of doubt in his worthiness despite his actions being on the contrary. Even in his early days, he had always stayed true to his words and put Emma's best interest at heart (albeit with innuendo-laced cockiness and bravado) and had proven himself more than once in giving Emma the choices that she and David never did, even with their best intentions. Snow vowed to make it up to him should he choose to come back with them.

Emma finally turned her gaze to Snow, eyes bright with unshed tears and roiling with raw emotion. "I know the right thing to do but… I can't breathe, mom. I feel like I can't breathe."

Just like that, the dams broke for mother and daughter as Emma crumpled into Snow's embrace.

(Who knew that the biggest battle isn't fighting monsters or curses but the simple act of letting go? To show love in the hardest way possible. Because Snow knows that as much as it feels like Emma is being dragged through the jagged edges of a cliff, ready to fly off at the seams and drown her sorrow at the bottom of the ocean - she will stand by Killian's choice and support him like he has done for her countless times.)

Snow held her little girl tight, rocking her and wishing desperately to take away the hurt and pain.

Her biggest vice has always been hope, so she does what has been deprived of with Emma - provide her with what comfort she has…

…and hope where her daughter has none.


End file.
